The Problems of Permafrost
Posted on: Monday, December 24, 2007
Posted at: 2:31 PM
I hate being outdone by people.
I hate even more, being outdone by people I don't really like.
I hate to a further extent, being outdone by people that I don't even know.
I hate more so, to be outdone by people who's calibre is lower than mine.
I hate the most though, to be outdone by no one.
Enough whining, more ranting.
This Christmas, it seems, feels almost exactly the same as last Christmas. Except for a significant, yet minute difference. Last year, around this time, I was hovering above hopelessness, on the slight ascension. This year though, I am, once again, hovering above hopelessness, but this time, on the decension.
No doubt, this year had brought me new highs, and new lows to my life. Stocks rose to giddy heights, and subsequently, when contributers to these stocks realised that the instable market was growing more volatile, they started panick selling, and now, the stocks have sunk into a great depression. Metaphor to my emotions and feelings and other mind-ful whatnot I possess.
Its quite fun, actually, sitting down at the end of a year, pondering upon the past 360+ day's events, looking at yourself mature, transmogrify and metamorphasize to what we are at this time. Who we are.
I've had my fair share of transitions. Towards my peers, friends, family, other what-not. (I like using the word "what-not" to replace stuff which I am unable to describe)
Leaving ACS(I) albeit the possibility of re-joining it after the PAE period is a very hard thing to do. Believe me, I've wrecked almost every brain cell in me, thinking of every possibility which would work out for me. And it pains me to be so far apart from all my dearest friends.
Lets just put it this way. If I were to re-join the ACS family after the PAE period, it would no doubt be like how the prodigal son in the Bible sets off to live his own life away from his caring family and after awhile, realises the folly of his actions and comes back to his home where he is always welcome. Of course, I can only hope that the door is always open and the members of the family will be willing to re-accept me with open arms.
No, I am not regretting my decision to go to where I originally chose to go, however, I am opening my options up even more, so that I can be ensured to truely reach my full potential in time to come.
Almost everything I do, I do for my future career, regardless of what it maybe.
All in all, I do NOT want the year 2007 to end. With so many things I'd live to hate myself for, I want to set things straight, but I know, its impossible. If it were up to me, 2007 would be rewinded and replayed over and over again.
In conclusion, this year has been the most eventful year for me so far. My bitter-sweet sixteen. I'd reluctantly step into 2008, my heart would be heavy and my mind constantly whirling. JC is a period of possibilities, but I want none of it. Its quite hypocritical I've always tod myself to "live for the moment". Now the moment is gone, there seems to be nothing to live for. Emo as that sounds, I'm alright. I've found things to fill up the voids in my life, music for example, has been the best outlet so far. I just need Paul to help me coordinate some stuff.
Till then, 2007, Au revoir. May the ghosts of 2007 always serve as a reminder to how much of the "battle's lost and won".
The hurlyburly's done.
p.s: 26th of May 2007 will always be the best day of my life. March 19th, 2007, 7pm-8pm, the best hour. It will never be the same again.
