Posted on: Thursday, April 30, 2009
Posted at: 7:29 PM
Oh dear gosh, something's wrong with me.
p.s.s.s. I'm sorry for all the things I may not do.
because at the end of the day, the sun sets only to rise again.
Posted on: Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Posted at: 11:11 PM
Just a void now, blank, sapped, empty, bare.
Nothing to think of, not thinking of anything, yet full of thoughts.
That pretty much sums things up.
p.s. sorry for the things i done, even more sorry for the things i did not do.
p.s.s. sorry for not being able to say sorry.
Posted on: Sunday, April 26, 2009
Posted at: 11:04 PM
Its quite funny, how what some regards as nothing more than casual spontaneous chatter and an interesting conceptualisation that holds people together.
A unique conceptualisation and a common idea which holds people together and provides the central core of conversation and fun-mongering.
I think that sums it up nicely.
Loosen up people, we aren't the CCP, we are a group of fun loving people who just wanna have fun with the best company there is. At least that's how I see it.
Hardliners, rightists, leftists etc.
Laughing out loud, I wonder where I stand, I'm looking at all tihs from an outside view, and I wonder with bewilderment, the power of "ideology".
Posted on: Friday, April 24, 2009
Posted at: 9:00 PM
I'm burnin' through the sky,
two hundred degrees that's why they call me "Mr. Farenheit",
I'm travellin' at the speed of light,
I'm gonna make a supersonic woman of you!
Don't stop me, don't stop me...
But deep down under, I'm slipping and sliding down this slope, descending..
Posted on: Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Posted at: 10:13 PM
Caught between the lines of
old bards and sages,
so now you're with me
and I guess "we're breakin' free",
from everyone who just wants to take us on,
and see fight between the state and breaking dawn.
Stars hide your fires, (don't show your intent)
we're out at sea
but they're thoughts are all straight fixed on me.
Posted on: Saturday, April 18, 2009
Posted at: 10:17 PM
My tea's gone cold in wonderin' why,
I got out of bed at all.
The morning rain clouds up my window,
and I can't see at all.
Even if I could it'd all be grey,
but your picture on my wall,
it reminds me, that
it's not so bad,
it's not so bad.
Posted on: Thursday, April 16, 2009
Posted at: 11:08 PM
I wrote this really great play once, it was the greatest piece of art I ever came up with, full of beauty and grace, to me it was the closest thing to perfection I could ever achieve in my life so far. It was a culmination of my inspiration, emotion and joy at that time.
I can't find the original copy now.
Don't know where it went, its just gone, as if it vapourised along with my dreams of staging what I knew was going to be the greatest play I ever staged.
What is truly devastating though, is that I never bothered to make copies of it. It never occurred to me that it may just slip from my hands, into oblivion, never to return again.
Since then, I've been trying to recapture the moments of inspiration and pen them down again, but lightning doesn't strike twice on the same spot, and no matter how I try, no matter how many times I change the words, the meanings, the directions, the sequence, the everything, it just doesn't work like how it used to.
Of course, this had serious repurcussions on my rehearsals for you see, with the loss of my masterpiece, my heart and soul did not have any vessel to flow into anymore. Despite the hustle and bustle of the set, the stage was always empty to me.
After awhile, I even found having rehearsals completely pointless. Why pour so much energy into something that you know isn't something you can be truly proud of, truly happy about.
Production stopped completely, I couldn't take it anymore. Everything around, the fake trees on a set, the paint, the curtains, the music, oh the music, everything around reminded me of the missing manuscript and the grandeur it could have become.
Ever since I was deemed a liability, a moping wreck just clinging on to past dreams that will never see the light of day, I was isolated.
But I remain, searching every trunk, digging every corner, leaving no stone unturned wherever I go. It did not matter if I had never been there before, I still searched.
I worked alone though. No way I was telling anyone that my masterpiece was floating up there, up for grabs for whoever finds it first. I became paranoid, but I never gave up the search. Never planned to.
Everyday, the same routine. Wander the streets, eyes peeled looking out for any clue, any signs at all. Night fall, and I'm back in my corner in an old rustic apartment, hugging my knees, cradling my body, lulling myself saying that tomorrow'd be the day, it has to be.
Its so near I can nearly smell the coffee stains that dirtied it while I was working on it, almost hear the wind flipping through its pages again. It didn't occur to me then that it could be in my very apartment, where papers are strewn all over the place, unfiled, unbinded, just blindly thrown around as if there wasn't a need to keep the sanctuary of home a sanctuary anymore.
Of course there wasn't a need to. There wasn't a need to do anything. It would have been meaningless.
I know its somewhere out there, waiting to be found again, maybe even wanting to be reunited with its creator. Nothing is certain.
No, I stand corrected. One thing is certain. Only one thing.
I've lost the plot.
Posted on: Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Posted at: 8:32 PM
Its amazing how a song that I had previously just accepted as 'nice',
suddenly embody a whole new meaning that I had never once fathomed,
becoming the missing piece of the puzzle?
Throw it away,
forget yesterday.
Posted on:
Posted at: 12:47 PM
Nothing beats a good song playing by the beach, with a glass of ice-cool lemonade in hand, shades, sun, breeze, with nothing to care or think about but the sea and all its magnificent glory.
I'll be content with what I have now though, for like, the next two hours or so.
Posted on: Sunday, April 12, 2009
Posted at: 6:59 PM
Hello,
you know what, no, you don't know what.
Me neither.
Oh hello, we're all equally lost.
Or perhaps not.
Its really ironic. On Easter, of all days.
So I guess I'm most open when my mind is closed.
I don't know why I choose to have a choice.
Perhaps I need some nudging in the right direction.
Did I say nudging?
I meant pushing.
Push hard, and the door will open.
I guess.
Oh dammit.
Posted on: Saturday, April 11, 2009
Posted at: 1:23 AM
This week has been an eventful one.
Monday - VJC against RJC in soccer. Of course, it was the tussle that happened right next to me that captured my attention more than the soccer match itself. Dinner later was, interesting to say the least. Talk about being caught between.
Tuesday - TSD showing. I felt that the standard was really good, but I was extremely irritatated for the blatant lack of respect that fucking disrupted my attempt at presenting my concept. Something that I'd show more openly than ever now.
Wednesday - The girl's soccer team thrashed HC 8-0, but again, I was distracted by the battle within me. Yes, rather hyperbolic but its not everyday that an unexpected occurence leads you to re-evaluate everything that had happened to you, and you realise how hard it is to say thank you after all that happened before.
Thursday - Oh, it was a really cute day. Haha, slightly irritating because Aloy, Jerald, Arianto, Sam and I somehow, really somehow, became makeshift "ushers" and manaul labourers for the Arts Fest opening. VJC Dance is amazing. Both at a JC level, and of course, at an IP level. Super cute. Barring a serious mishap, SYF would surely give them the minimum credit their powerful performances just screams out for. I went home especially early though, and was really happy that day, I think.
Friday - Today of course. The day started out drearily enough, finally got out of bed at 1 plus, then practically lazed at home with the rain till 6 when I went to ViVo and reserved myself an awesome shirt haha. Couldn't resist. Shopaholic streak in me I guess. Went for a family dinner at grandma's with an unprecedented attendance (only two people missing). It was amazing, and I really felt like I belonged there. Finally, for like 17 years. After that, met the guys at PS, moved down to Newton for supper and drinks. Damn awesome guys, we must do that till we're old men lecherously leering at girls at some random coffee shop.
The week has been well, as I said, eventful.
And I think I just turned it up a notch. Accidentally, inevitably. So many things could happen.
I'm right, its right.
Posted on: Thursday, April 09, 2009
Posted at: 8:08 PM
It is a tale told by an idiot,
full of sound and fury,
signifying nothing.Probably the best quote in the world of shakesperean literature.
"and so we beat on, boats against the current, borne ceaselessly into the past".
Probably the best quote in the entire world of literature.
So I realise that life goes on, we are occasionally drifted backwards against the horizon, but if we just keep looking forward, we'd get ahead. Eventually.
Well, at least some people still care.
Posted on: Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Posted at: 10:17 PM
And I'm back where I started. Its really funny, how at this very same time this year, I asked myself almost the exact same question.
I'm not liking the answer though.
show me a sign, what's on your mind
Posted on: Sunday, April 05, 2009
Posted at: 8:39 PM
I'm getting bad at this.
Maybe I'd stop trying.
Posted on:
Posted at: 12:01 AM
I may have done pretty well for lit, but I sure as hell am failing to see what the words mean.
Fight, and defend.
Posted on: Thursday, April 02, 2009
Posted at: 11:57 PM
Its hard to answer the questions that aren't asked.
No one, no one, no one, no one.
Posted on: Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Posted at: 11:29 PM
How very intriguingly ironic.
The past week so far has been, well, as history lecture has taught us, going well in one direction, and going disastrously in another.
I guess I should be trying to find some sort of equilibrium that is so damn obviously unattainable.
too hard, words choking with uncertainty, not knowing where to start.I need a sign. Any sign, to show me where I should go.
