Posted on: Saturday, February 28, 2009
Posted at: 12:34 PM
And so, it happened that a very quaint discussion at the airport designated a forthcoming golden era for all of us as we uphold our perceived duty to control the chaos which threatens to destroy us all.
That totally made my day/week/month, which made me realise that I had a really shitty day/week/month. However, on hindsight, I guess if I really thought through things rationally, it wasn't quite exactly that shitty. I just felt like crap through most of the times, that I forgot about the rays of sunlight shining through the dark clouds, providing the essential nutrients for the garden to grow.
The upcoming month of March, holds more challenges than I can foresee. At least, I foresee that being the case. How ironic.
Since I've set my mind and figure out what I've just got to do, to set me at ease, I guess the next step is to well, rise up and get to facing what has been beating me down. No fears this time.
I hope.
And if we are held against what we once said, will it still stand? Or will it crumble like the moist sand-castle it has become.
Posted on: Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Posted at: 11:02 PM
Today started gloomily enough, having that stupid headache and throat irritation. Hope it doesn't become bronchitis. Gah. How irritating. But at least a flower brightened things and the day started getting better.
TSD prelims. Our first full run was the exam itself, and I guess no complaints whatsoever. Well done guys, proud of us!
Read "The Great Gatsby" again. Gosh I love that book. Full of literary gold, and it just gives so much insight into everything. In a weird twisted way, I see more similarities to Tom Buchanan instead. Now this, is scary.
Was in a real thoughtful mood in the evening. Reading a good book always makes me reflect and link back everything to what's going on, and for a moment, I felt like one of the characters of the book. In a big whirl, reaching out to the glistening waters for the green light which beckons further and further away down east.
Sigh. Dinner later at Thaipan was well, interesting I guess. Not really in the whole mood of the topic, but nonetheless, it did make sense. Most of it though. If there's one thing I would disagree to is the disapproval to the long waiting time, the wait will make things all the more worth it. That's why I like long journeys. The build-up of anticipation, the eagerness etc. Of course, the disappointment would also be amplified, but its a risk I've been willing to take. For example, my school is on the other side of the universe.
Yes, its getting late, I'm going to sleep now, lest I fall deeper and deeper into this pit of thought.
Now I'm just all fucked up and sold.
Posted on: Sunday, February 22, 2009
Posted at: 10:29 PM
Interesting. The strangest coincidences occur, and we hardly ever realise that we're all like channel eight dramas. Almost exactly the same story lines, just with different costumes or a different time-frame.
Its amazing what the occasional reinforcement of faith can do to one. Especially at a time like this.
And if you want, to fa la la, la la la with me, then lets go,
lets go.
Posted on: Saturday, February 21, 2009
Posted at: 12:07 AM
Hello, internet web-log, the channel which speaks the unspoken words to my unhearing listeners. They say that if you cancel out the middle man, the transaction is quicker, more efficient, and cheaper. They also say that business is not personal. In the same way, personal, is not business, and thus this middle man cannot be cancelled.
I guess that's why we blog, hoping that the people whom we want to speak to stumbles upon the message accidentally or not. Why do we do this. Why do I do this.
I can never be that direct, that truthful, that raw. Its just, hard.
They never said it would be easy, but fuck what they say. They talk too much for their own good. "They" will never know how much the weight of guilt bears down on thin shoulders, "they" will never know the pain of bringing pain to another, the conscious knowledge of which entails the greatest pain of all. An ironic tragedy.
Maybe its not so bad. Perhaps I'm thinking too much, as usual. Chances are, everything's alright in actual fact. I will never know, at least not until I seek to find out. But it seems I've been too blinded, eyes covered by my selective vision.
We live in a careful world, leading careless lives, and as time goes by, caring less and less for what we are, we lose what we were once full of care for.
What breaks my heart, is yours, broken.
Posted on: Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Posted at: 12:27 AM
Wow, school has been exhausting as usual. J2 life really flew right at me, but I guess I always find time to stop and smell the flowers along the way. I'm so elated with myself, I managed to stay awake for ALL the lessons today, save for the stupid "career" talk which left literally half of the PT asleep. Oh well, my career's in the future, the future's for dreaming, and dreams exist only while we're sleeping, so I guess I was in my own career talk?
Today's lessons were oh so productive, I guess I'm really going to start getting up and about now. Yay me. I'm going to reward myself for being so sensible and mature!
I think I'd get me a new pair of shoes of something along the lines.
Then I'd justify my jacket purchase as a reward for me eating two bowls of rice during Sunday's dinner.
Yes, justification, the most brilliant psychological manoeuvre ever.
I guess, I guess, I guess, orientation is over, and I've got to start getting out of the whole let's-just-have-fun-and-start-random-f-ah-f-ah-i-ah-i-ah-r-ah-r-ah-e-ah-e-ah-cheers-even-when-theres-a-mock-fire-drill mood real soon.
I'd keep my carefree spirit within me, bring it out during the weekends? Or maybe just after 3.40pm everyday.
Oh well.
pink-face, baby-face, poker-face. More, more, more, more. Gah Lennart, I'm incorrigible.
Posted on: Sunday, February 15, 2009
Posted at: 11:28 PM
An Unfinished WorkIts hard when they just don't believe,
You wear your heart up on your sleeve.
Tell them what they want to know,
Still they'd never let your light glow.
And maybe there will be a day,
you fight for every word you say.
They listen hard but they don't hear,
and then you've lost that something dear.
You lost what you gain,
in utter disdain,
they're telling you, that its not to be.
So I'll sing this song,
I won't take long,
I still got a hint of that
haunting harmony.
Mhmm mhmm.
a work in progress?
Posted on: Saturday, February 14, 2009
Posted at: 11:57 PM
Its all bottled up inside, I don't know how to bring it out, everytime I think about I just get all choked up with guilt, and I don't know how I can make things better. I feel so terrible that it took so long for me to realise that I'd been selfish and inconsiderate and so self-absorbed and just such a jerk, it sickens me that I've actually been a worse person than I thought I was, and the worst thing is, I just shrugged off the blame initially, and blamed everything but me. Little did I know that I played a bigger part in this than I thought, and it just sucks really. Sucks real bad to know that I'd just been a bad friend.
What really eats me up is that you're so nice about it all. And I'd never grow the balls to tell you how much I've been thinking about this, I'd never have the courage to tell you that how sorry I am, for things to have had been that way. I hate me because you don't.
P.S, happy valentine's day. I guess I never said that in person.
Posted on:
Posted at: 1:57 PM
So I'm sitting here in front of my laptop with its sparkling new screen, earphones plugged in, listening to timeless songs from movies like "Moulin Rouge" and "Titanic", and other such songs like "Something Stupid". Really great haha!
Nicole Kidman may just be one of the prettiest women of all time, though Grace Kelly would probably always stay safely perched at the top, and Kristen Bell is just plain hawt!
Robbie Williams also has this inexplicable charm, sparkly eyes and soothing smile that I would imagine would make a whole infantry of women swoon to the soft sway of his unique mellow voice.
Makes me just appreciate life as a whole once again.
I stumbled across a great line from the newspaper Valentine's day dedications in the Classified section (go check it out people, its not the retarded type in Teenage mag, but really sincere beautiful messages by those who has seen their fair share of life).
Finding love is not finding someone you can live with, its finding someone you can't live without.Really put things into perspective eh? I'd say, over the years, I've found friends at every step, some of whom I've lost contact with, some of whom perhaps now just a shadow of the past, but I've found friends, whom I can't live without the memories of.
Everyone of you, special in my eyes in your own unique ways.
Happy Valentine's Day, world.
Posted on:
Posted at: 12:44 AM
Leon is in utter need of some direction. God, please give me a sign. Any sign. What now? I'm need a push in a direction. Any direction. That direction.
So yet another thirteenth February has come and pass, and the whole spirit of giving has really left me touched and moved. I believe that the school I'm in really embodies the spirit of friendship, and the aura of love just flowed through the whole school, lighting up every corner, brightening up everyone's faces. All smiles throughout, it was beautiful. The last Friendship Day I spent as a school student would really leave behind a great impression to me.
Where do we go, where do we go now. Where do we go.
Posted on: Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Posted at: 5:40 PM
Hello world, you have been exceptionally kind to me, thank you.
The past week of orientation has really been a breathtaking journey for an entire cohort of eager year ones as well as the selected bunch of excited OGLs. Of course, I shared the same excitement, felt the same rush of adrenaline everytime a cheer had erupted and truly felt what it was to belong in this school. And more.
A real pity though, I couldn't really get immersed with interacting with my new schoolmates, whom I will refuse to call freshmen (its just so, condescending) unless under special circumstances. Sure, I got to know a few of them, and in my mind, I did my own all-star sub-OG group, but I must say that I'm a tinge jealous of the way the OGLs bonded so well with the year ones.
Of course, Suntec City was an experience on a whole different scale altogether. I must say, I had a great time, though I still feel rather sore about missing the "neutron" and the "friendship dance". But I guess at the end of the day, what mattered was that everyone was happy. I definitely was.
It's pretty amazing. Anglo-Chinese roots bearing the Victorian fruit. I feel like I embody the spirit of two great institutions, and this unique rare mix really just gels together, and what comes out paints a beautiful picture.
Yay me!
Posted on: Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Posted at: 12:13 AM
Ah, and I'm quivering all inside with, I don't know. Contentment and some sort of anticipation? Haha, I made a bet that I'm NOT going to lose. I hope. Yeah but its nice. Of course, it means nothing, but its just put a smile on my face and really made my day.
Tomorrow will be a better day. I'm sure of it.
Aloysius, prepare your five dollars!
Posted on: Sunday, February 01, 2009
Posted at: 12:22 PM
It all comes down to nothing. Words are only just words now, and I guess thats how it'd be.
Why oh why, is there an internal implosion at this most untimely juncture. Maybe the haters were right, once again. Sometimes, lines form spirals instead of circles.
But I've still got it in me, and I've shown that. Oh well, I'll try to bring it out.
