Layout Title: Goodbye Summer
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At the first cutting light of August, many years ago, the world got the first glimpse of the entity known henceforth as Leon Yip. It decided to douse the aforesaid with sunshine, sweets, and loads of love. Legend has it, so convicting were his words, that upon his request, the world agreed to revolve around him, forever, and ever, and ever.

Its hard to breathe when there's so many things crawling up my neck. My vision's blurred, can't really see a thing clearly. My stomach is nauseous, sometimes I feel a fluttering within. Its happening all over again.

But it shouldn't be a problem I guess. I've been here before, no worries. Know what to say, what to do. I'll play it my way as always, and of course, improvise on the way. What else could I do? Just sit and wait for things to happen on its own? Nope, this time, I'm breaking free myself.

Then again, I already proved myself incapable of stepping out of my own little chalk circle, no matter how great an opportunity presents itself (well, okay, to be fair to me, it wasn't a good circumstance). Still, I never used to be this way. Not that I know of.

Oh well, I guess life must go on. And I must say, this has been an interesting episode. An episode which has in itself, a few different stories.

Now I guess, its time to write an ending to the chapter. Oh wait, done that.

Its time to write that damn new chapter that has been stalled.

Stupid writer's block, screwin' me over in more ways than four.
Hello world. How are you. Hope you are fine, everything's all right.

So the day started abruptly enough. Waking up at 7.15 am, rushing a quick shower and managing to catch an insane fun taxi ride which really sent adrenaline pumping through my veins, and I reached school on time! :D

Cool-some!

Nothing much worth mentioning during the school day. Till the OGL briefing, where I was greeted by an extravaganza of sights and sounds which sent my head reeling with some incredulity and awe at what I've been missing out all this time. If you really just open your eyes, you will be amazed at the treasures you'd find.

Of course, not everything went smoothly and some things are out of my hands contrary to my belief. Too bad, oh well, as long as I'm alive.

School was fun. Now its just plain fascinating
Well, so I guess that Chinese New Year was fun after all. Being the youngest in the family does have its perks of well, being youngest in the family I guess. Though celebrations were rather moderate this year, I still felt the feeling of having family around, catching up with each other and just sharing the festive spirit. Most of the fun of course, came from when we recounted the days THEY spent bullying me and making fun of me at my grandparent's compound. *pouts*

Weirdly enough, I never felt close to my cousins now than when I was younger. I guess its cool that as we grow, them growing up wayy earlier than myself, we can sort of relate to each other more? I don't know. I have a very cool family. 'Nuff said.

Managed to catch my brother's girlfriend's family on the second day, and I say, I did have a ball of a time there. Playing friendly Blackjack, with cash of course, and having my fortunes fluctuating from winning about $6 in a single round, to losing $8 in a single hand. Had real fun, and I guess I proved that I had the balls to take risks! :D

Something which I have had increased practice with.

Of course after that, was a meeting with Vic, Kat and Len at the airport for something that I totally did not catch wind of till wayy wayy later. But, I had a reeeeaalllyyyy great time just goofing around with them, and of course, cam-whoring!

Pictures up on facebook soon I hope. (Hint, Lennart.)

Life is great. I just want it to be better. Is that wrong? I like better-ing myself. Each step of my life, can only be better than the previous one. That's how one gets to the top.


All the salt in the world, couldn't melt this ice.
I just realised I'm about five months late. Was too caught up in my own world to realise the knocking at the door could have been the universe. The same world had since disintegrated, and the door's silent now.

Knock again, please.


I'm a terrible person.
I became inspired to listen to a song from a long time ago. One that my brothers had listened to, and I guess had been suppressed at a small corner of my brain all this time.

And I guess the lines in the song just sort of epitomises everything. Gah. My life, as it is written out by strangers. The sad irony.

Sometimes love can hit you every day.
Sometimes you can fall for everyone you see,
but only one can really make me stay.
A sign from the sky, once said to me.

Gosh, I wonder if there's anything left in that head of mine anymore. Adolescence really hit me at a bad time. As if I've not got enough on my plate as it is.

I always will remember how I felt that day,
a feeling indescribable to me.
I always knew there was an answer for my prayer

For fear of making the same mistake(s) (depending on how I count things), I wouldn't dare fill in the last line of the stanza.

In the beginning I was cool and everything was possible.
They tried to catch me but it was impossible.
No one could hurt me it was my game,
until I met you baby and you were the same.
And when you didn't want me I wanted you because
the funny thing about it is I liked the show.
I liked it when its difficult,
I liked it when its hard
Then you know its worth it that you found your heart.

Fighting a losing battle to my own mind. That's what school does to you. It moulds you, shapes you, teaches, and ultimately, drives you crazaye. In more ways than one.

Perhaps in more ways than five.



You all, are one in a million, it seems.
Argh, I'm hooked to that annoying song. Crap. I must admit though, it is super catchy.

And Lady Gaga reminds me of someone in school, especially that little bit of her smile in that music video. Argh. Enough to make my heart melt.

Eeks.

Perhaps Leon, its time, that you look deeper that what's on the outside?

I am beautiful, no matter what they say! :)

Steambolt with the family today was so awesome.

And I exercised so much!

Played an hour of soccer by myself, loser-ish I know, but what the hell. Then went for a solid half hour run, though I don't know how much I covered, probably not that much :/

Then played soccer with my second brother, with my eldest brother having a calefare role at the end (he had just finished his own run then haha!).

There are five different reasons that I want to go back to school as soon as possible, none of which have to do with any academic thing.

Gosh.



Lets see whose poker face holds longer.
Yes, I could use some dance lessons, if you know what I mean.
The Earth's old orbit,
forces drawing matter to its core.
A cosmic explosion,
the milky-way turns,
thrown in disarray.
The course diverted,
Still perfect and blue,
sifting through a new circle.
Pausing to realise, that the old route
will never come around.
Looking back in the spiral of slow spinning rubble,
a shining star, fading
as it shoots off in the distance,
not looking back.


Yes, amidst all the proclamations of joy and celebrations, I couldn't help but feel all empty and crushed up. Its nothing more and nothing less than what I deserved, but it just makes me feel like shite.

A day that started badly became better, hit a plateau while I was creating my own language, and it peaked at the duo that no matter what, I still think its awesome, but from there, it just crashed.

Crashed, crumbled.

Harsh reminders, all around.


Faces runnin' through my head, feeding my eyes with candy.
I really do not need this right now. Oh gosh.

People who I've been hanging around recently would know what I'm talking about.




So, today was a cool day I guess not. Waking up late for school, is not cool. Made me look like a fool. Yes, I'm speaking in rhyme. You guys die. Once I start speaking in rhyme, I'd not speak properly for a long time. Unless you give me a dime. Or perhaps, a lime. Don't you wish I was a mime?


Geeeeesh. I wanna poke myself in the eye with my chopstick (again). How could I have been so blind.


Pending entrance into the Lonely Hearts Club this year.
Don't. Go ahead. Don't. Go ahead. Don't. Go ahead. Don't. Go ahead. Don't. Go ahead. Don't. Go ahead.

Argh. Argh! Argh!! Argh!!! Argh!!!!

Why, why. Oh why. I need to run away to Zimbabwe for a while. Gosh. I am so freaking messed up in my head. This endless bombardment of thoughts and regrets and worries and just, UGH.

I feel like exploding from the inside, breaking into a million glass fragments and sprinkled to the different corners of the universe.

I need to breathe. Gasp! This inverse proportion must be brought back to my favour again.

Gosh. Why do I make it so hard for myself. Here I am, bursting at the seams with nothing to say, but with everything to tell.

Breathe. Its hard to breathe. Its hard to keep breathing, especially when what keep your heart pumping is fleeting. Its like, ascending upwards, not in euphoria, oxygen is scarce and its hard just to think properly.

Its so damn weird and unexplainable. When I have something, I find means and ways to rid off it, and when its finally rid off, I realise that it may well have been what I've always wanted. Gah.

I don't care, I'm flying solo. Nothing's going to stop me. Nothing. Except for probably, everything else apart from nothing.


I just wanna break you down so badly, in the worst way.
Sometimes, I swear I just wanna stay out of sight of everything I'm thinking of. You know, wishing that some people didn't exist, hoping that some things just aren't there, craving for an alternate ending to this massive well, tragedy.

I don't know. I'm so damn mixed up and fluctuating right now. Everyday is a different whirl of thoughts and feelings attacking my head, pounding at my brain and just messing me up, tearing me in a few different directions. Not that it's affecting my general mood or anything, but like, its just there to remind me of what I thought I forgot.

Doesn't help that the re-entry of school has brought about a whole new series of challenges and issues. I just really want to run into that escape after I've fulfilled all my obligations. Just run there, perhaps to a nice sandy beach, drinking iced tea on a warm afternoon, flipping through volumes of literary treasures I've been meaning to touch, wading in the ocean, experiencing maybe, for once, what it truly means to be free. A sort of spiritual liberalisation based on self-indulgence.

I know that's not going to happen. I know that I'm just still caught up in the mess. Gosh I need direction. Heading up this road, I'm just gonna follow the next sign I see, take the nearest exit off the highway, I don't care if I miss the danger signs hidden behind the big sign posts. I just wanna get off the road for a while. After all, I averted the disaster of crashing straight through the fence into the canyon before, I remember that I just managed to swerve away from the cliff's edge just in time then. But I think I can afford to take risks right now, so yeah. I'd hope that the road the signs point me too aren't half-constructed or unstable. The street lights are off, so I can't see further than what my own lights show. Which is very little.

Don't get me wrong please, I love my life. I'm just scared of what might be happening to it. I don't want to be one of those sad people who wait in uncertainty. It was fun of course, before, but I guess I want to make things happen for myself. Total in-dependency, writing my own plot, my own setting, my own (fairytale) ending.

And now, the show goes on.


Constants, but inversely proportionate.
Gah, I should stop watching lovey-dovey movies on Star Movies. "Titanic", "Moulin Rouge", gosh.

But Nicole Kidman is hot. A look which transcends the boundaries of time.

This is all just so very confusing and weird. Gah, maybe the best is to not think of anything anymore. Ah, but its so hard not to think of anything or everything. Shoots. Ah, I should just get knocked by a giant demolition ball and maybe I'd get some senses into that ridiculous skull of mine. But it just hits me, anytime, anywhere, anyhow. Gah, and I thought I'd avoid it entirely thereafter. Its a whole new different same feeling. Perhaps, whatever I think of will only stay in my head. It should only stay in my head. It will only stay in my head.


Hearts beating in time, but not together.
Making my way downtown,
walking fast, faces pass
and I'm home bound.

Staring blankly ahead
just making my way,
making a way
through the crowd.

And I need you,
and I miss you,
and now I wonder

If I could fall
into the sky,
do you think time
would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk
a thousand miles
if I could
just see you,
tonight

It's always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever
Think of me

'Cause everything's so wrong
and I don't belong
living in your
precious memories

'Cause I still need you,
and I miss you,
and now I wonder

If I could fall
into the sky,
do you think time
would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk
a thousand miles
if I could
just see you,
tonight

And I, I
don't want to let you know
I, I
drown in your memory
I, I
don't want to let this go
I, I
don't.

Making my way downtown,
walking fast, faces pass
and I'm home bound.


I guess its time to smell the coffee in the air, and anchor myself back into the ground. The days of perfect freedom of expression is over, and I suppose that I should really get down to actual business.

Today served as a real wake up call for me. Not least the fact that Mr. Young, one of the greatest teachers alive really impacted me with what he said. I suppose that I was also due a slap in the face by reality. Of course, it wasn't pleasant, but it wasn't unexpected. I've been wasting my time dreaming up dreams which will not come true, its time to face the facts that I can't beat the system anymore.

Its time to grow up, get up, and rise up. So many things that were pulling me down and keeping me down this period despite the rhetoric happiness I psycho myself to believe I'm blessed with (which I do believe whole-heartedly even now of course).

I'm all that I've got now, and I'm just gonna making my own way downtown through this crowd of faces passing by, but not walking too fast, so that these very faces would not be a mere blur existence, but when I lift my head up, I'd see a smile or two, and I'd know that I'm homebound to a place that I belong.

I could cry.
So I guess it was an eventful enough first day of school.

Argh, it started rather badly, waking up and going back to snooze mode from 5.30am, and only getting up proper at 5.55am. Ah.


In the rush of assembly, a few classmates, including Sarah Cheong, Li Yan and the irresistable Sam were just touring the whole parade square, aimlessly and fruitlessly looking for our class. And got into a whole mish-mash into the long hair shizzamajizz.


Gah.


Then of course was that fucked up maths paper. Going to furikin' fail. I'm really sorry to those people whom I let down. I've just been so unfeeling this holiday, not being able to get into the feel of things. I'm really sorry that you guys pinned your expectations on the wrong person.


I guess, as every action has its consequences, every lack-of action also has it consequences.


Arghh, I've never been so confused before in my life. Lennart, how do I get out of this. Frustrating, playing in my head, whirling my mind. Alakazam, I hope that I could just use some sprinkle some magic dust and chase those shadows away. Its making me just wanna shut my mind completely, which is bad. It's destroyingly irritating, irritatingly destroying, ah, its playing with my brain.


Shizz, back to my day. After the paper, had lunch in the canteen then tagged along with the class to Parkway for second lunch which I didn't partake in. Haha, was fun. I found my only audience in Aloysius! Oh my gosh, I, am, awesome.


Had TSD, which was horrible for reasons, but also really productive in my opinion. Rushed down for training, which was also frustrating, and almost froze to death in my bus home.


Yeah, and I guess that's led me to where I am now. Lost, confused, scattered.


Great way to re-open school.



damn you, damn you, and damn you.
I'm just wondering what happened to this girl for her not to be able to turn back.
- Jack Dawson


For some weird reason, I'm watching the Titanic again. I realise how much I love that show, absorbing the scene and wishing something similar would happen. Well maybe cept' for the dying and drowning in icy cold water. But perhaps, such a death for the sake of true love is worth it. Gah. I'm such a kid.

I believe in fairy-tales.



Where you from, you sexy thing.
I guess the main reason why everything's all so hard now, is that everything was easy the last time. Gosh, really dug a hole for myself this time eh? I can't just rush into things hoping that everything will just magically work out and stuff, and I think I should stop putting off what needs to be done, because if I don't do what needs to be done, some one else will, and I'd be all angry at myself for not being able to have claimed the credit. Gah. Didn't make sense. At least the ground swallows me up so that I won't get scorched by the searing hotness of the sun for now. Funny how the only reason why I went into the hole in the ground was to hide from the sun in the first place, and now, I'm trying to get back up to feel the warmth which I had once briefly felt.

Ah, stupid math, stupid, life. :(




I'm all about them words, over numbers.
One stop, two stop, three stop pass.
A quick glance from reflective glass.
Red, orange, green light, through rolling sky,
hot girl from the bus, you caught my eye.


Ah, I love bus journeys home from school. :)
During my self-rewarded free time, I looked back at the archives of this blog, from around April of 2008, just wondering how different I might have been as compared to now. And I realise, that I haven't changed much at all. I'm still that young kid facing the challenges of the world, finding my own way to make everything seem all right, seeking comfort where comfort could be sought, living on the back of company that proved so temporial yet so wholesome.

Although somewhere down the line, my comfort zone shifted along with the direction of where I'm headed, though what remains a constant, is how I'm trying to candy coat the whirlpool of thoughts in my head by seeking temporary solace in things which I know I can run into and hide every now and then, when I feel that the roads aren't safe.

Why does everything have to have a consequence. How ironic is it that doing some things will lead to certain consequences, and not doing some things will lead to consequences of a greater magnitude.

How about those who are truly lost, those who are unable to see the signs on the road, not knowing whether they say "stop" or "go"? What about people like us? I don't think taking cover once the presence of something bad is felt would lead me far, no, it wouldn't lead me to that substantial existence which I crave.

The roads are covered with the haziness which obscures the future. The unpredictability of it all could lead to the wrong choices being made. Its infuriating how we set a final destination, maybe even mark a route, but more often than not, on our journey to the end, we detour around sometimes going in circles, and in the end, reaching a totally unfamiliar area.

I realise that I like using roads as analogies, especially in my other diary. Perhaps its because I take the bus alot I guess.




I'm counting down, the mile marks to every town, falling more in love with the distance put between us.
Whee-elle,

three days in the clouds have been a relaxing time pondering the facts of my life, reflecting on the past year or so, and realising that sometimes, it just doesn't matter.

While I cannot deny that the company of my family (minus my eldest brother who had taken off to Hong Kong instead) has been more rewarding than I thought and I'm proud and exceptionally elated to say that I had fun with them. :)

Even though of course, the three "adults" running off to the casino occasionally, leaving me all alone with my thoughts and my maths.

But somehow, when I was in their company, I realised that, yeah, this is all I ever need right now.

Especially in the theme park, where I totally dispelled fear of thrill rides and proved myself to be braver than I thought, and of course, spent quite abit of time on the rides pretending to have Tourette's syndrome with my second brother! Which was extremely fun actually. Gosh, we're mean. Of course, after awhile, we realised where we got our genes from when mum also started doing likewise.

*meh* (that was the chosen sound for our Tourette's, accompanied with a little spasm before emitting that noise)

Yes, it was a happy trip for the family, and I really love those whackos living with me. :D

Life goes back to normal after a seven hour coach ride watching a variety of movies, and I guess I'd have to settle down and stuff. Grrr, stupid mathematics. You were the only bump in the journey you prick-ish numbers and letters!



Because you look like Emma Watson, Keira Knightley etc. the leading women in the film.
Oh my goodness, Jana Loh Yi Shan, thanks for introducing that video of happiness to me! AHHHHHHHHH!!! I need that song in my handphone before I leave town!!!! NooooOO!!

Haha and Gabriel Lee, we share crushes! Maybe next time my daughter Taylor could hook up with your kid Squig!

Oh goodness.


Cutie-ness overload really.
Oh my, I cannot believe this!

What have I gotten myself into! Hahaha oh dear dear me. School will be fun!

Vicky Pollard is retarded, but I love the way she/he speaks. Damn I love that accent!


Oh oh, and check out John Mayer's Live at Abbey Road with Belief!

Amazing stuff.



Extremely genius.

Just like me!
Yeah, its back to the three "C"s I guess.

Crushes, candy and confucianism.

I feel like myself again! Reverting to the timid thing I was two years ago!


Oh well...


I had fun.
Oh my goodness, Jana Loh, Taylor Swift is indeed a guilty pleasure. Ahh... Haha.


You know, I've been doing some thinking. It seems that I'm always stuck at some corner doing some thinking, but what a friend said at new year's day really set me off this time.

And I don't know. Really, no clue man.

Do I want to or not, at that point of time, no idea, and now when I've got complete clarity again, still no idea.

Class gathering at the princess Yip's place was quite awesome. Just think of the possibilities of a full-blown house party there. It'd be rather insane. Like, as in, incredibly drunk and fun and many many many shit is gonna happen there kinda insane awesome insane.

Yepp yepp!


I think I know what you're doing, and I think it won't work, but you're all welcome to try it.

No, I wouldn't feel bad about not being able to feel good. So good luck.
Isn't technology amazing?

With just a few strokes on the keyboard, I can confuse myself, set my mind whirring in like four hundred and twenty three directions, kill my brain cells, type some confusing message and post it up on a public domain, watch youtube videos of "live at Abbey road", and wish people "Happy new year", all at the same time!


Yes, don't you just love what life has to offer..


So the new year's eve / day chalet was, uhm, interesting to say the least I guess. Poor Paul, coming back from church to see his friends strewn across the floor of the room, fighting over cheeseburgers and not speaking any chinese words.

Move of the day was still when Marcus Tay poured out that cup of sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick purple-ish-brown-with-stuff-floating-on-it thing. Damn disgusting. The "King".

Yeah, and Nate, we still left a couple of cans at the playground for future generations I guess!

Life is good when we are around the same bunch of insanely cool people who made THREE years ago and TWO years ago so awesomely awesome.


And now, back to present time, 2009 started off pretty well I guess, I don't know. Its still too early to tell.

*Gag*

For all this rhetoric about resolutions and stuff, I'm pretty much just wanting to get the whole A-level thingo done and over with, so that we can just fucking play our days away while waiting to wear the pixellated uniforms of the Singapore army.

Bloody hell.

The new year's chalet was interesting. For so many different reasons.


Chill, the ghosts of 2008 have got nothing on you Leon, although they will still haunt. Bah.

Aloysius Ho Austin Collin Conrad E-jin Gabriel Hannah Hong Yi Jana Jia Hui Kai Kyra Nathan Nick Paul Raymond Samuel Tan Sing Chuen Siyi Steph Victoria Yuai Yvelyn Class 4.4 Class 08A12
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