Posted on: Sunday, April 27, 2008
Posted at: 10:02 PM
I don't know why I care
I don't know why I care that I care.
I don't know why I care that I care that I care.
I don't know why I care that I care that I care that I care.
I don't know why.
Oh isn't this absurd.
Shit. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
Crap.
Argh.
Naw naw naw, naw naw naw naw naw. Naw naw naw, naw naw naw naw naw.
I just can't get...
Crap.
I don't think I've ever been like this ever in my life before. Not even at the beginning of Secondary 4 with my retarded escapades around Blackmoore Road.
Shit.
This had better not been true.
For my own sake.
Posted on:
Posted at: 12:23 AM
I guess the point of having eye-candy around is to feed my eyes with sweet stuff. Not that theres an abundance of eye-candy, but there is, sufficient presence. Yes,I'm just a guy afterall. I thought I could be different by being indifferent, but i guess, I'm just a guy afterall.
Way to go Leon, you've proved yourself wrong by proving no one right.
I hate the games that is played through my head. Especially when I'm on those long journeys to and from school.
Posted on: Thursday, April 24, 2008
Posted at: 10:07 PM
Muahaha, haha.
Firstly, Sorry Ezra. Really sorry that I can't make it tomorrow. <3 you guys though. And you guys know that.
Secondly, May the seventeenth. Be there. Fort Canning, details to be announced.
Thirdly, VJC Dramanite! Door sale tickets should be available. Be there.
Fourthly, 25th Student's Council Investiture. I'm buzzing for that. ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZ.
Okay. Was sick on Monday, and when I felt better, popped by ACS(I) to get my O-level certificate.
I totally forgot that I didn't do that well in my O-levels, so when I got the certificate, I was rendered stunned for a time span of about 5 seconds, until I remembered what it felt like that day which sparked a furore of regret, panic, and hypertension.
I hope that I have proven skeptics wrong and staked a place with my peers. Sure, there might not be any outwardly discrimination of sorts, but within myself, I do question if I can match up to the brilliant minds which I'm surrounded by around the clock. Seriously, some of the people I know have more than enough accolades to last me several lifetimes. Its people like these who really make me want to focus my energies and concentration on emulating their sucesses. I wouldn't say that I'm sucessful at doing just that right now, but hey. I'm having the time of my life. I've tried completely new things, (like TSD, Council, Debates) and I've fallen head-over-heels in love with them. Just motivates me to reach out and step out of my zone (which is of slacking) and immerse myself in meaning.
Of course, the work-load has its toils, but whats a little hardwork compared to the sweet sweet jubilance of seeing your own hardwork actually paying dividends right in front of your eyes? Its all worth it. C'mon over and live life with me.
Sure, in this year so far, in this four short months, I've seen my life go through a roller-coastical change which has moulded me into the person I am now. By no means would this be a final model of me, I believe that people are ever-changing. Just that, life in Vee Jay See has catalysed my maturing more than ten years in my alma mater.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying my former school is bad in anyway, on the contrary, I'm saying how I get so comfortable in my old "home", that I become passive, and not see the need to be pro-active. I love my old school to death, trust me, I really do. Don't ever doubt my love for the Blue, Yellow and Red flag. Its just that, with everyone rooted in the same place from primary one, there is a certain sense of some people simply belonging in a certain place, there isn't much opportunity to step out of one's zone to try new things. While I didn't notice that when I was there, enjoying the best moments of my life, hindsight has allowed me to see what I have missed out, and I'm doing all I can to recoup my losses.
Argh. Rambling, rambling, rambles. Shall stop here. Not emo, not ansty.
Oh wait. Another thing I'm very proud of. So far, for my FIVE STATIONS for NAPFA, i have 24/25 points! And, I barely missed full points for Standing Broad Jump, by only 2 centimetres. Grrr. This is my first time ever that I am so close to getting a GOLD for NAPFA, all I have to do now is not to faint during my run. Maybe through some last minute training, sneak in a 5-point timing. Who knows?
Last time, an achievement like that would have been in my T3A, but now I know, that theres something more to myself that I have discovered.
And I'm lovin' it.
Whatever, your mother works in Macdonalds'.
Posted on: Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Posted at: 12:04 AM
as if being stunned is not enough, how about being blown away.
Posted on: Monday, April 21, 2008
Posted at: 9:38 PM
You didn't say that it ended,
it didn't even start,
there was no final goodbye,
no broken heart.
And while we smiled to each other,
you were out with another,
could have been my brother
but its not
cause i know
how low you'd go,
to get a free show
{Chorus}
The past doesn't matter,
The future doesn't count,
Especially now,
When nothing can amount.
Is that all you've got,
I feel I've lost alot.
Now, look and see,
That there was never really you and me.
So if its just wishful thinkin'
Why is it that we're sinkin'
lower, and lower,
all over again.
I think that its such great fun,
to actually make a lame pun,
and force you to be a nun,
or maybe not
cause I know,
if I go any further,
you'd give a low blow
{chorus}
cause i know
Posted on: Saturday, April 19, 2008
Posted at: 10:36 AM
Okay, the senior's TSD preliminary examinations have come to an end. Besides a really screwed up tonsil/throat that renders me unable to even swallow my own saliva without difficult or pain, this past two weeks have really left me with many memories, and experiences to learn from.
Alright, some memories are better than the other, and some experiences more learn-worthy than others. Nonetheless, I had a blast doing what I've really taken a liking to, and, in the words of Faustus, I'd "cast no more doubts". Right. I'm getting out of character(s) now.
Of course, some sad stuff that I've learnt, backroom talk, well, as long as I know that I've done my part, and more, its alright. It doesn't hurt to know that my peers acknowledge and recognise my contributions. Oh well, I guess I'd just have to swallow the "jeering countenance" of the ignorant backroom demographic.
I've just used the word "demographic" wrongly I think, but instead of cancelling it and replacing it with an appropriate substitute, I've decided that I'm too lazy, thus, it shall remain as above. (Ironically....)
Okay. Its time to get my biological clock reset and ticking as-per-normal, and to catch up with my homework / revision.
"Carpet, envelope, cigarette, jelly."
Till then,
"Veni veni Mephistophile"
Okay bye.
Posted on: Thursday, April 17, 2008
Posted at: 12:07 AM
okay.
This experience is both exhilarating, and nerve wrecking. Performing in front of three examiners, although being very familiar with most of them, you would think, is intimidating enough, given the context of the examination. Now, picture this. 3 minutes before your performance, you learn that other audiences are present. Other audiences whose examination results also somewhat rests on your shoulders. What do I do then, stumble, mumble, trip over my words, and forget my lines.
Go me!
Okay, okay. Imagine this. Leading the examiners to their seats, greeting them, legs shaking, mouths shivering. Everything is going according to plan, and the monologue is proceeding smoothly. Enter a bus. Not just any bus, but an old bus. Whose engine rattles and squawks and chimes. All three weeks of work compromised by just one overlooked glitch on our part.
Go me! (I still feel responsible because I should have known better than to just let it go unattended)
So, the first day of the TSD examinations didn't go exactly as well. I'm still rather amazed at myself, that my stage-managing antics caused a warning to be put up to all future stage managers. Well, all I was trying to do was to break the ice.. and, people actually laughed at the LIGHTNING RISK thing which I pulled out impromptu. I think. Hmph. Well, its personal style. Nothing much I could/would do about it.
Okay, I'm more and more anxious about the performances which are upcoming. I feel that the pressure keeps piling.
But I'm above it.
Just keep a cool head, calm mind, casual heart.
C'mon.
Posted on: Sunday, April 13, 2008
Posted at: 12:50 AM
SMS or MSNThis evolution of feeling.
The untranspirable transpiration,
the untemptable temptation.
Could it bode well at all?
Or would it just lead
to undecipherable codes and riddles,
with verbs hung loosely,
all lost in translation.
Apsiring for inspiration,
undermined by exploration.
Should the unnecessary necessities
obstacalate this course,
or will the unwanted desire
transpire this cause.
Its all up to me.
I guess.
No?
No.
Its up to thee.
Posted on: Thursday, April 10, 2008
Posted at: 11:08 PM
Okay. Counting that I have been saying that I've been, and will be extremely busy the next couple of weeks, especially next week, due to the senior's TSD prelims, which I am actually quite thrilled to be a part of.
So as I was saying, TSD and Student's Council stuff has really been taking up all my time. I reach home earliest at 10.30pm these couple of weeks. Don't take this wrongly, I'm not complaining. I'm having a whale of a time doing what I have come to love. Which is ACTING around, and basically just having as much fun as I can have, while growing my own personal skills. Yeahh. TSD has proven to be one of the best things in my life. Without it, sure, I'd have more time, but that time would just be spent on ECONS anyway, so yeah. Definitely made the right choice. Plus, the company at TSD, seniors and my same batch, priceless. Just brilliant people in their own unique way.
Council is gettting rather hectic too, I must say, with game seasons, match supports, investiture and other what-nots filling up whatever remainder time I have. Again, its both an honour and a privilege to be able to bask in the company with such able and caring and brilliant people. It really is. I may not be the leader, or even a leader amongst the leaders, but being part of the leading team, really makes me feel a sense of achievement. Awww.. Love you guys.
The only shame is that, I can't ever seem to make enough time to go for Debate regularly. I know I wouldn't get a chance to speak, but for me, the chance to observe and just pick up stuff is more than I could ask for. Especially when I'm surrounded by the most talented minds around me. Now, I can't even go and watch the first preliminary rounds of the Nationals. Awwwww...
Other than that, I almost have totally no time for anything else. Really sorry EZRA, no time for you guys in the next couple of weeks. If you guys even miss me, I'd really make it up to y'all after next week. Especially Paul. Happy belated birthday anyway haha.
Oh yeah, Liverpool won Arsenal 4-2 at Anfield, though the final score wasn't a true testament to the equality of the game. Yeah sure, Arsenal were slightly unlucky, but really, LIVERPOOL! YAY! I'm buzzing! ZzZzZ. Arsenal did play really well though, could have really gone either way. But, only in Europe man. Only in Europe, where the stage is set, for the stars to shine and smile upon Liverpool Football Club.
I really need sometime off stuff. To catch up on Maths, to catch up on friends, to catch up, period.
Sigh.
Darn.
Posted on: Sunday, April 06, 2008
Posted at: 7:11 PM
Now there's an aching in my back,
A stabbing pain that says I lack
The common sense
And confidence
To bring an end to promises
That I make in times of desperate conversation
Hoping my night would be better than this in the end
Just say when...
Posted on: Friday, April 04, 2008
Posted at: 11:42 PM
I think I was slightly misrepresented by Gabriel. Not that I mind the misrepresentation, but anyway, to make things straight, I do miss my secondary school to bits. But not to a fanatical extent. I am sentimentally attached to secondary school and its memories, but i don't let it cloud my judgement of my current school. Not one bit. I'm having a time of my life now. Though, a part of me still refuses to open on friday mornings when the new school anthem is played. Its just not right to exchange ten years of base roots for 4 months of electric excitement. At least, not yet.
Okay. Thats out of my chest now.
Its good that I am finally opening up again, and being able to talk. Cool, but I'm still not sure. Hmm..
I think its really intriguing how selfish some people could get. I mean, I'm no angel, by no means, I'm a selfish bugger also, I do notice that, but I know what it means to look out for others. Not that anybody is lagging behind, but some people are too fast, or some people want to be the fastest, and they just zoom ahead, leaving the mess behind. Its okay if it happened once, or twice, but this habituated routine now, to me, seems really really degrading. Are the others really that unimportant? Perhaps. Maybe it was incalcated from young? I don't know. Its just an observation that some people have changed. Alarmingly. True colours come out, and to me, it ain't a pretty sight. Yes, there are many reasons to explain the fatigue, but once again, is it justifiable as compared to the rest? Or maybe, I'm being too ,uhm, bitchy, not willing to see people race ahead even in the smallest of events. I just feel, yes, a little more feeling for the others left behind would really help. And of course, a little sensitivity once in a while would be good too. People do have feelings, and pride, and it is a dangerous thing, to play with another's pride. Also, its really not the most encouraging thing to do to play somebody down so quickly. People like to make comparisons. Their own personal comparisons. For me, I like to compare to the best, see where I stand. Indeed, maybe I shouldn't compare with the best, and instead, subject myself to mediocracy. But, my logic is, if I don't compare with the best, how am I ever going to be motivated to strive further and higher. Let me compare, and at the end of the day, if you still want to stare in disdain of my theory, by all means, go ahead. This is sad. The impression is really going down, now I think little of them. I don't think too much of myself too. I just believe that I have the capability/capacity to do well. To outdo at least myself. And I'd do it my way.
Okay.
That aside.
Really sorry, Point Four guys, for not being able to make it for outings or whatever.. Super busy. Will make it a point to un-busify myself.. Argh.
I've made up my mind, at least for now. Its what I want. I've realised, trapped deep within, it was always there. Looking back at the times, it was always there, deep below, lying benign. Now, its came up to haunt me, and theres only one way to suppress the shadows. A simple, "yes".
